Would You Rather Be Right… or Be Happy?

(A blog about excuses, coping strategies, and why we cling to the stories that keep us stuck.)

Let’s start with a question that might make you roll your eyes, sigh, or feel a tiny bit defensive:

Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?

It sounds like a daft question.
Most people would say “happy,” obviously.

But here’s the truth most of us don’t want to admit:

We fighthardto prove ourselves right… even when being right makes us miserable.

Let me explain.

We Protect Our Coping Strategies — Even When They Hurt Us

Every excuse, every “I can’t,” every “that won’t work for me” has a positive intention behind it.
It protects something.

• “I don’t have time” protects you from facing overwhelm.

• “I’ve always done it this way” protects you from uncertainty.

• “I can’t change” protects you from disappointment.

• “It’s easy for you” protects you from feeling inadequate.

• “I’ll start when things calm down” protects you from the fear you might fail again.

These aren’t flaws.
They’recoping strategies— and coping strategies are sticky because they once kept you safe.

They are familiar. Predictable. Comfortable.

And anything that protects you — even temporarily — your brain will defend.

Which is why excuses, even the obvious ones, are not laziness.
They’resafety behaviours.

Why We Fight For Our Excuses

Here’s the uncomfortable bit:

We’d often rather protect our coping strategy than risk losing it.
We’d rather be right about why something won’t work than risk trying something that might.

Why?

Because being right feels safer than being wrong.
Even if “right” keeps us stuck.

If your brain has decided, “I can’t do this,” then every attempt becomes a potential threat to your identity.
Trying and failing would prove that you’re not just unable right now — you’re unable permanently.

And that’s terrifying.

So instead, we double down on the story:

• “I’m too busy.”

• “I don’t have the discipline.”

• “It won’t make a difference.”

• “I’ve tried before.”

• “This is just who I am.”

These stories give us something to stand on.
They feel like certainty.
They feel like control.

And control often feels safer than happiness.

Your Brain Wants to Be Right — Not Happy

This is where the neuroscience comes in.

You have a little filter in your brain called theRAS(Reticular Activating System).
Its job is to prove you right.

If you believe:

• “I don’t have time,”
  the RAS scans for every little task, delay, or inconvenience to “prove” it.

If you believe:

• “I’m inconsistent,”
  every missed workout or skipped meal becomes evidence.

If you believe:

• “Everyone drives like an idiot,”
  you’ll suddenly notice 200 terrible drivers that day.

Your brain isn’t punishing you — it’s protecting you.
It wants coherence, not chaos.
It would rather keep an unhelpful story than change it, because change feels unsafe.

And when you try to “not” think something?
You think it more.

“Don’t look down.”
You look down.

“I must not eat cake.”
Cue three days of cake sightings.

“Don’t think of a pink elephant.”
Of course you think of one.

Your brain can’tnotlook at danger.
It can only look at something else.

Which brings us to the whole point…

If You Want Something Different, You Have to Look For Something Different

Fighting the old story doesn’t work.
Trying to “not do” the behaviour just activates the behaviour in your mind.

So instead of trying to NOT think negatively, NOT eat the thing, NOT procrastinate, NOT avoid exercise…
you switch the focus.

You look for theblue elephant— the alternative that helps.

You shift from win/lose (“If I stop this, I’ll lose control”) toWin:Win(“I can feel safe AND make progress”).

You actively look for:

• the moments that feel easier

• the foods you enjoy that also nourish you

• the tiny actions that help you feel a little better

• the people who regulate rather than stress you

• the wins instead of the gaps

Your RAS learns through repetition.
When you feed it new stories, it starts scanning for new evidence.

That’s when change begins to feel possible — not forced.

The Real Question Is: What Story Are You Protecting?

Some of us have told the same story for so long that we don’t know who we’d be without it.

• The “busy one.”

• The “chaotic one.”

• The “unfit one.”

• The “always tired one.”

• The “can’t stick to anything” one.

Letting go of that story doesn’t just mean changing a behaviour.
It means risking a new identity.

And identity change is scary — not because you can’t do it, but because your old story has been holding you together.

Changing the story feels like stepping off a cliff without knowing what’s beneath.

So we fight for our excuses.
We protect our coping.
We cling to the familiar.
We’d rather be right.
Because right feels safe.

But safe and happy are not the same thing.

Here’s the reframe that changes everything:

Instead of asking:

“What’s wrong with me?”

Ask:

“What is this excuse trying to protect?”

Instead of:

“Why am I like this?”

Try:

“What need is this behaviour meeting?”

And instead of:

“Why can’t I stick to anything?”

Begin asking:

“How could I make this feel safer?”

That’s Win:Win thinking.
You’re not fighting yourself — you’re listening to yourself.

Three Questions That Cut Through Any Story

There are only ever three questions that matter:

1. How do I want to feel?

2. Is what I’m doing making that more or less likely?

3. What’s one small step that moves me closer to that feeling?

Not 20 steps.
Not a whole life overhaul.
Just one small step that supports the feeling you want to create.

That’s how stories change.
Not through force.
Through repetition, safety, and small aligned wins.

Becoming Happy Means Being Willing to Be Wrong

This is the bit people don’t like:

If you want things to get better, you have to let yourself be wrong sometimes.
Wrong about what you think you can’t do.
Wrong about what your past “proves.”
Wrong about the limitations you’ve rehearsed for years.

Being wrong is not weakness.
It’s the doorway to possibility.

You can keep the old story and stay safe…
or you can try a new story and move toward happy.

Both are valid options.
But they’re not equal.

One keeps you protected.
One helps you grow.

You get to choose.

Final thought: You Don’t Need to Tear Down Your Old Story — You Just Need to Build a Better One

There are two ways to build the tallest building in the city:

1. Tear everyone else’s down,
   or

2. Build something stronger, steadier, and more meaningful.

Your excuses aren’t enemies — they’re scaffolding around an identity that helped you survive.

Now it’s time to build something that helps youthrive.

And that starts with one simple question:

Do you want to be right… or do you want to be happy?